All is well for the most part here. Haylee and Ethan are getting straight A's in school, Isaac is getting ready to turn 4 on the 20th, Elyssa is causing toddler havoc around the house and Brandon is working at Toysrus.
Lately I've been feeling....I don't know...old? Sometimes it feels like life is moving so fast. When I think back to my teen years, it doesn't seem like so long ago, but technically I could say I was a teenager TWENTY years ago. That doesn't sit well with me and it gives me an uneasy feeling, but why? Thirty-four isn't what most people would consider to be old but for some reason, I can't get the thought out of my head that you only live once. You truely only get ONE chance to live your life, and then you're gone and life just goes on without you. And somewhere down the line it's as if you never even existed. Have I done anything truely memorable? Will I "leave a legacy" as the song says? I feel this urge to do SOMETHING lately, something of importance, but I can't pin point what that thing is. It bugs me on a daily basis lately and I need to start praying that God will show me what it is.
Many times lately I also feel like I am totally slacking with my kids. I think back to when I had Brandon and Haylee and Ethan was a baby. I had so many plans every day and I couldn't wait to just go for a walk with them, or to the library, or just to the park. I enjoyed my time with them and when I went to bed at night, I felt like I had done something important that day....something that mattered. Then Isaac came along and don't get me wrong, I love him always. It's not HIM...But with child number 4 I guess things started to get harder and more tiring. Then Elyssa came along too. Everything feels more like a chore now. Like "I really don't feel like going to the park but I will because a good parent would". I WANT to feel like I used to but don't know how to get back to that point....and I blame alot of that on my own lack of organization. I let things get behind, like laundry or the bathroom cleaning or whatever. Then I get stressed about those things and have to work harder to get them in order again. I procrastinate until I am stressed and late and angry with EVERYONE for not being ready, when really it was my own fault for not starting earlier. It's a vicious circle that leaves me stressed and worn out by the end of the day.
Well, thats all very depressing isn't it??
Anyway, it's a new year!! My New Years resolution is to get my house clean and keep it that way (as much as possible considering we have 5 kids!). That got me thinking about my blog and I thought maybe I could use it as sort of a "to do" list.
So for tomorrow, my plan is to get these things done:
2 loads of laundry, washed and put away
mop the downstairs
Clean the downstairs bathroom
PLAY WITH MY KIDS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHAT ELSE NEEDS DONE!!
Sounds like a plan to me :o)
Good for you! And good luck!
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